Super Irving

Well, the Left Hand store closed today. Nobody warned me, I just showed up and the door was locked with a closed forever or something like that sign stuck to it. I shaved for nothing. Speaking of that... shaving is much tougher for some reason when you're a virtually indestructible man of super powers. Beard hairs are much more difficult to convince to shorten up. I had to get a Gillette Quattro. Highly recommended for other superheroes.

It's things like that that people don't realize about being "blessed" with extraordinary powers. Don't get me wrong... if someone shoots me, I'll be thrilled to be tougher than most. I just wish I didn't need a chainsaw to cut my toenails.

Back to the store... I need a job now. I may become a street performer or go into an arm wrestling tournament. Hey, that's a pretty good idea. I doubt they have any around here. I'll have to look for one. One that's for money, and not for beer.

I'm on break at work. I still have my job, but probably not for long. It looks like either most of us will get laid off, or the whole store will close. I almost hope it does. I'd like unemployment. It may be $5 a week, but at least I don't have to deal with Mr. Kyle! He's become unbearable since he got busted cheating customers. He's also been calling out sick a lot, making us pick up the slack. Since he won't have an assistant manager... that would be too much power for an underling as he puts it, I'm sort of the unpaid assistant I guess. I'm in charge of picking up the pieces. I don't like Mr. Kyle one bit!

No more fights or crimes or anything to report of. In the comics it's action, action, action all the time. What B.S. that is! It's all waiting, waiting, waiting. It's boring! I have to make my own action... and costume. I don't trust anyone with my secret yet, so I have to make my own suit. I remember a little from my 7th grade home ec class. I made a pair of jams that I'm sure would still hold together if they weren't so hideous to look at that I threw them out. My superhero suit will look much better. Less fish on it. I need a name though. I'll think it over.

I had first superhero-ish experience last night. I went to see the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake last night at the theater mall. It was so-so. Nothing will beat the original Freddy...

Anyway, on the way out, I saw some suspicious looking guys hanging out in the dark alley by the side exit. I decided I should watch them... with them being suspicious and all. Not long after, a young lady came out the exit by herself(young ladies, don't go into dark alleys by yourselves... there won't always be a superhero there to save you!) These suspicious guys immediately start verbally harassing this poor woman. She tries her best to ignore them, but these guys weren't giving up. One stepped in front of her, blocking her path. She then pulled out a gun and threatened to blow his head off. That's when I intervened, and grabbed her gun and snapped it in half, then held her by the collar until the mall police could take her away. You're not supposed to have guns at the movies!

I realize now that I probably need to move if I want to have an interesting career as a superhero. A golf community comprised almost entirely of senior citizens leaves little opportunity for crime stopping. Truth be told, any crime would not need any super powers whatsoever to stop. Super speed is completely lost here, as most of the potential criminals are only as fast as their golf carts.

So I went for a nice walk last night looking for any danger, and the closest thing I saw was a guy who didn't pick up his dog's feces. I beat the crap out of the guy. Just kidding.

There are a bunch of rich seniors here, so I'm thinking that maybe I should be the villain for a little while... get some money, then I can move to the city or something and then start being the good guy. Lots of wrestlers change allegiances during their careers... why can't I?

Today is Sunday, the day of rest. So of course I'm going to be busy. I have to finish that web project... I'm working on a flash animation actually. I'm animating Superman...

On a related note... about my "abilities"... I realize that I'm in really bad shape. If I do a fast running thing, I not only run super fast, but I run out of breath super fast. Can't have a too out of shape superhero, can we? I'm wishing I had a Total Gym. My apartment complex doesn't have a gym and I can't afford a membership. I wonder how Red Bull will affect things... Ah, the experiments I will have.

Well, I got super powers today. That was unexpected. I'd never particularly thought about getting them, but there you go. I am just a mild mannered sales clerk at a left hand store. I'm right handed. Maybe that has changed with my powers... nope.

I accepted a shipment of a growing green substance. I think it was meant for our store. I picked it up and spilled it all over the warehouse(I call it warehouse, it's really more like a closet)floor. I really should check hazmat warning labels more carefully as I sopped up the glowing goo with a left handed paper towel. Some of it... well a lot of it... got on my hands I and forgot to wash it off before lunch, so I'm sure I consumed some of it too. I started feeling a little woozy so I went home early. I passed out as soon as I got home, and when I awoke, I felt super.

I think I may be in trouble, because I forgot to tell my boss I was leaving early and there were like 6 messages on my answering machine while I was napping. I hope I still have a job. I'll let you know tomorrow when I find out.